Ain’t I a Man?
Over the last couple of years, I’ve been working out. A lot. Losing weight*, putting on muscle, becoming more fit. This may not be for everyone, but I’m finally getting my self image in line with my external image. Along the way, I’ve learned how to dress myself.
It turns out this is extremely fun. It may not be what everyone considers fun, and that’s fine. I’m a geek, though, and there are a whole new set of constantly evolving rules to learn and play with. It’s sort of like World of Warcraft– but I’m leveling myself. Also, this season’s shoulders are less ridiculous than WoW’s.
I went to a local coffee shop this morning to get myself some coffee and a breakfast bagel. Yes, I can totally make those at home. Sometimes, though, it’s nice just to have someone else make it for you. This place had one of those TVs that plays some ads and has a few snippets of news. Headline from the New York Times: “Is your Boyfriend a metrosexual?” They were selling a courier bag.
When I saw that ad, it rankled. I was so pissed off that in a white hot fury of rage, I.. tweeted about it. Which I admit is silly. That word, though, yeah that word annoys me. By creating a special category for “men who dress well”, it automatically makes us “other”. I admit that this is a minor “otherizing”, as such things go.
What this word does is take away our masculinity. We’re not “men”, we lack even the dignity of being gay men. We’re “Metrosexual”. Sex is right there in the name– not in a good way. It’s a suspect category. We’ll do girly things like clip our nails and possibly shave places that aren’t our faces.
Speaking of the gays, I really enjoy how the term manages to do double duty as an anti-gay pejorative. It punishes straight men for acting too much like gay men. Even my friends who would consider themselves queer-allies have a hard time breaking out of the mental box that categorizes gays as “other”. The message is that it’s OK to dress well if you’re gay– that’s what gays do. Straight men? No. Straights and gays must act differently and when a straight man dresses well, it threatens the dichotomy.
I have other thoughts on the topic, but I gotta run. I hear there’s a sale at Van Heusen. I’d love to know what you think, so leave a comment.
* 90lbs, if you’re wondering.
No related posts.
“The message is that it’s OK to dress well if you’re gay– that’s what gays do. Straight men? No. Straights and gays must act differently and when a straight man dresses well, it threatens the dichotomy.”
It’s weird how greater “acceptance” of gay people has standardized masculine performance. “Who are we?” “MEN!” “What are we not?” “THE GAYS!”
Which may be followed by “…not that their’s anything wrong with that.”
The word takes away “masculinity,” and that’s supposed to be a bad thing. It’s really just a misogynistic word – so much homophobia is rooted in hatred of women. So what if you reacted by embracing it? Like, yeah, I am a metrosexual, kinda like a gay dude, more like the ladies, and WHAT OF IT???? In fact, dressing well shouldn’t be coded as masculine or feminine, so even understanding that metrosexual is supposed to be taking away your masculinity means accepting into the discourse that gender-codes acts.
Basically, when I look nice, I am just going to start calling myself a fucking metrosexual. So here’s the question: can I only call myself a metrosexual when I dress really hot in drag, or can I dress up really well femme and ALSO call myself a metrosexual?
I think we can call ourselves metrosexual anytime we like, but how long it will take before the idea catches on might be another thing. *chuckles*
It’s always fascinated me how much power words actually have over us. How much meaning can be packed into a single word, especially once it becomes a label. It’s hard to stop our reaction to the intended meaning of the word. We know what’s behind it.
I use to have that sort of reaction to the word ‘giggle’. It’s why if I’m typing, and saying that I’m laughing, I always, ‘chuckle’, but don’t ‘giggle’. I had a friend once, who dated a horrid girl… who was CONSTANTLY ‘giggling’, and the word took on worlds of meaning for me that I didn’t want to be associated with. So, for the longest time, I never giggled… I only chuckled. Which is rather silly because really, there’s no difference… and I do giggle… especially when I’m playing Civ IV and I gain a new technology and Leonard Nimoy’s voice suddenly starts quoting lovely things at me. Hee!
I think Gayle probably has the right idea though. If the definition of the word fits… no matter the intention behind it, it might be better to embrace it, and remove the power it has. After all, regardless of the possible intent of the word, I and a lot of other women think guys who dress metrosexual are awesome sauce, and don’t feel it detracts from their manli-ness at all.
This perspective is bizarre to me, because I’ve never seen “metrosexual” as a negative term. If anything, I would consider it a compliment, and I’ve always seen it that way. It doesn’t mean you’re less masculine, it just means you are refined and well mannered. James Bond could be accurately called a metrosexual, and he’s a symbol of masculinity, and even misogyny.
I still see the label as a little silly, but it’s only a real problem, only reinforces heteronormative ideas, so long as you consider it an insult, and in some ways contrary to masculinity. I don’t see it that way.