Indignant Desert Birds

It’s Sunday morning. Sundays are for eating cold pizza and sternly explaining to the cats that they can’t have any. Alternately, Sundays are for sleeping after a long evening working a retail job. Regardless, Halloween Sunday is for pagans secretly celebrating Samhain, and possibly having to look up how to spell that.

This was the week before an election, and so that means that a whole hell of a lot of us went out making phone calls and knocking on doors for the candidates of our choice. If you don’t vote for Dilma Rousseff, then Jose Serra might win. This is because America isn’t he only country holding elections More locally: If you don’t vote the straight Democratic ticket, you’re basically voting for Sarah Palin. So remember that on Tuesday. Also this week: comedy central held a live show on the National Mall. Also also: Russia is building Vietnam a nuclear power plant.

Sunday is also for the Giants. I’ll hoard those links for the bottom of this post. So if Baseball isn’t your thing you’re a terrible human being, they’ll be clumped and you can skip them.

How is Halloween celebrated in Bangladesh? I don’t know. But Jess Barrow has some pictures. And as long as we’re over there, Ms. Barrow tells us how to get along the other 364 days in the year.

Back in the day, these weren’t costumes. People just dressed this awesome and it was glorious. Granted, there’s a certain awesomeness in a white t-shirt and blue jeans…

Yes, ladies, we all got together and learned how to dress. It was a beautiful meeting where we all discussed our feelings in an open and honest way, then decided to go look fabulous. You’re welcome.

Can a four year old get sued? Judge doesn’t see why not..

Lies

Speaking of lies: the Wall Street Journal brings us this interesting article about the patent wars over the first sewing machines. I say “speaking of lies”, because the WSJ editorial is usually full of crap.

Legislative gridlock is not helpful to a functional democracy. To believe that it is helpful, you have to think that America has basically solved all the problems it has. This may look like the truth as seen from the view afforded to the top 10%. The rest of us can rightly think that the top 10% are the fucking problem.

Speaking of problems: here are some problems facing various countries in the world. None of them are to take away from the fact that- globally speaking- this is an excellent time to be dirt poor. Rather: in the history of humanity, now is time that global poverty rates have shrunk the fastest, and humans have best been able to meet our own needs. But click that link to find out out some ongoing problems we face.

Granted. We’ve got some problems right here in America. here are some in Detroit

Don’t let Laura Crigger’s beautiful writing and storytelling fool you: this is a painful story of crippling and murderous addiction

People vote conservative because things things smell bad

Things smell bad, so they vote conservative, so conservative judges stop enforcing regulations, so things smell worse, so we vote more conservatively, and then the conservatives take over the whole dammed court, and then we complain that government doesn’t work, so we vote conservative so that we’ll at least get a tax break…

It’s possible I feel a bit cynical about the upcoming election. At least Google is still not doing evil.

What we need? Some functional gods be damned markets. Even Hayek agrees. Actually, what he says is that in order to have efficient and effective markets, we need some government help. Which, you know, duh.

Alright. Screw my dogged determination toward cynicism. A) let’s do some multilingual puns (previous sentence), and B) Let’s laugh at our ancestor’s ads. And then laugh some more at our ancestor’s internet.

Speaking of things the gods damn: It’s the god damned Batman, and the rule of law

Speaking of the Rule of Law, San Francisco has mint police. You’re welcome.

A new San Francisco Michelin guide is out!! A second restaurant earns a third star!! And I can’t afford to eat at either…

Have a bit of time to kill? this pretty bit of examination of hipsterism is worth reading.

Kitten bombs!

Chicks can create a copy of the Torah. Sometimes.

Rob Zacny reminds us that “victory is a poor advisor“. Which seems like the perfect breakpoint for the posts about the Giants. Even if you’re not a baseball fan, I promise that the rest of the links are work clicking on. But if you’re virulently anti-baseball…

San Francisco Conquered Atlanta just like we were lead by Sherman Let’s not get cocky, Giants. If you’re an SF Giant and reading this post, see the link above…

It’s legitimately a magical time in San Francisco right now. I have the fortune of working approximately two blocks away from AT&T/”For Christsakes, it’s PacBell” Park, and it’s been absolutely surreal. If a unicorn came around the corner and high fived me right now and said, “Go Giants”, I wouldn’t even take an earbud out. I’d just high hoove him right back and point and smile. Click that link. Click it hard and read the rest.

Gogh Giants!!

How do San Franciscans think Texans view us? pretty much like this.

I’m not going to say that we’re right to think that they view us like that. I’m going to provide evidence.

Have some Doctor Tennant.

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Oh! New Meme action. Today we’re going to find out if I’m an out of touch cultural elite

1. Can you talk about “Mad Men?” sure! I can talk about _anything_! I’ve even seen a few episodes of Mad Men… +1

2. Can you talk about the “The Sopranos?” Sure! I can talk about _anything_! I’ve even… actually, I’ve never seen a full episode of the show +1

3. Do you know who replaced Bob Barker on “The Price Is Right?” Yup. Drew Carey. Had to look up the spelling, though -1

4. Have you watched an Oprah show from beginning to end? Um, I think so? -.5

5. Can you hold forth animatedly about yoga? …Not animatedly… 0

5. How about pilates? I think I’ve seen a pilates video before. Oprah did one, right? 0

5. How about skiing? Not since I was 15… 0

6. Mountain biking? Nope 0

7. Do you know who Jimmie Johnson is? Former coach of the hated Dallas Cowboys (I call bullshit on this question, but…) +1

8. Does the acronym MMA mean nothing to you? I had to look that up. But I do have family who do MMA -.5

9. Can you talk about books endlessly? Spent 5 years selling books. I’m good at what I do. So… yes. +1

10. Have you ever read a “Left Behind” novel? Um, yes. I’ve read the first 5 or 6 of them. I sort of view it as a Christian version of the Eye of Argon -1

11. How about a Harlequin romance? Gods, didn’t everyone read one when they were 12-15? Fun fact: Harlequin is the only interesting thing ever to come out of Manitoba -1

12. Do you take interesting vacations? Does it make me an elitist if I go somewhere I find interesting?! Anyway: yes +1

13. Do you know a great backpacking spot in the Sierra Nevada? When I was a boyscout, yes. Because I live in California, and that’s where boyscouts go backpacking. 0 (I feel sure that “boyscouts” are non-elite by this definition, but knowing where the great hiking spots in California _is_ elite. So it’s a wash)

14. What about an exquisite B&B overlooking Boothbay Harbor? huh? 0

15. Would you be caught dead in an RV? Sure! Why not? -1

16. Would you be caught dead on a cruise ship? That’s where I got the job offer from Obama 0 (Obama! Elite! But cruise ship! Non-elite!)

17. Have you ever heard of of Branson, Mo? Yes, but for the life of me I don’t know why. -1

18. Have you ever attended a meeting of a Kiwanis Club? Dude, I’m in politics. Of course I have. -1

19. How about the Rotary Club? Indeed -1

20. Have you lived for at least a year in a small town? Does San Francisco count as a small town? It has less than 1 million people… +1 (San Francisco probably deserves more than 1 point, but…)

21. Have you lived for a year in an urban neighborhood in which most of your neighbors did not have college degrees? I live in one now. Excelsior Represent! -1

22. Have you spent at least a year with a family income less than twice the poverty line? After what the Republicans did to the economy… oh yes. -1

23. Do you have a close friend who is an evangelical Christian? I have at various times, yes. -1

24. Have you ever visited a factory floor? I’ve visited my father at work, yes. -1 (my Dad owned the factory, but I’m giving myself non-elite points anyway..)

25. Have you worked on one? nope! +0

Score: -5 I’m Not Elite

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Alright. This one is for the men. Well, not exclusively. I’d hate to create a zone that excludes anyone. But it is about ties, how to wear them and with what. Men, we need to talk about this. People who do not identify as male, you might find this interesting.

The single biggest mistake people make about ties is thinking of them as the noose that must be worn on formal occasions. This is a version of the truth. But it is a counter productive version of the truth. The productive version of the truth is this: ties are a pretty ribbon that society allows men to wear.*

This isn’t really clear from the way modern Americans wear ties. Going back to the Victorian era, however, makes it abundantly clear what’s going on. Ties are a direct descendant of the neck cloth. Today they have been formalized into a few different styles (skinny, regular, or bow), and there are basically only 2 ways to secure them (Double- and half- Windsor). Properly worn, a tie is a great accent to an outfit.

The biggest complaint most people have with their ties is that they’re too tight. Interestingly, this isn’t really a problem with the fact that you’re faceting a knot around your neck, so much as it is a function of the shirt being too small. The top button holds the neck closed, and if this opening isn’t large enough, you’re pretty much going to have problems breathing.

The first solution to this is simply to buy a bigger shirt. This will probably leave you with a shirt that’s too large in every dimension except the neck. I will usually throw a sweater on over this to pull everything back in. Add a pair of nice slacks to a V-neck sweater and a button down white shirt for a classic look that goes well in pretty much any situation that doesn’t demand a suit.

The next solution is to but a shirt that fits you well (other than the neck), and either move the button yourself or have the shirt re-tailored to fit your neck. Doing the simple sewing required to fix the shirt yourself is an incredibly useful skill**. Having it tailored shouldn’t be very expensive, and will make you feel fancy. So either option works.

The third solution is perhaps the easiest: wear your shirt with the top button unbuttoned, and tighten the tie just enough that it holds the neck closed– but not so much that it chokes. Place the knot properly, and it will the small gap in your shirt caused by the undone button. This look demands the insouciant*** look of a half-Windsor knot.

This brings us to another complaint: a lot of people don’t know how to tie the damned things. I learned how to do it way back in the 20th century when it was an arcane art passed on from father to son. Or, possibly, from guy-at-men’s-warehouse to customer. I then had to teach my sisters. Lucky person that you are, though, get to learn the 21st century: the internet!.

A tie is supposed to be decorative. For whatever reason, a person might have “have” to wear one. But society lets us cut loose a bit. There are some rules (I’ll get there in a moment), but this is where our personality is allowed to shine through a bit. What colors sing to you? Red shirt and red tie blend in, but silver stands out. Skinny tie for the classic 1960s professional look. Bow ties should only be attempted once you’re really comfortable with what you’re doing.

A couple of rules: ties should be a different shade from your shirt. Ideally a whole different color, but that’s more of a strong piece of advice than a hard and fast rule. A tie must be of a different pattern from your shirt. Otherwise it just makes the shirt look off color. A tie pretty much must be on the outside of a collar. This means it can’t be worn with a t-shirt, and probably not with a mandarin collar. I’m not really sure why this is true, but it seems to be.

So. Those are some simple do’s, don’ts, can’ts, can’s, and most importantly: why’s of wearing a tie. Was that helpful? Still have questions? Leave a comment!

*Society generally allows people who do not identify as male to wear a whole lot of other kinds of pretty ribbons. People who identify as male are pretty much just limited to ties.

**Fun fact: stitching clothes and stitching your own wounds are the exact same skill! When the zombie apocalypse comes, you’ll be glad you learned this.

*** Pretentious use of French FTW

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It’s Sunday morning. Sundays mornings are for lounging around in bed, reading about the French Revolution. Or for sleeping while the rain goes pat pat pat over your apartment. If you’re crazy, Sundays might be for getting soaked in that rain, while trying to weave between ridiculously close set cones on a huge vibrating beast of a bike. Or for preparing for an interview.

This week the GIANTS WON THE PENNANT! THE GIANTS WON THE PENNANT!! *ahem * I have utter faith that they will not win the world series. Also this week: the Iraqis who had “awoken” seem to have gone back to sleep shooting their fellow Iraqis for lack of religious freedom. Also also: most of France seems to either be on strike, or upset that most of France is on strike. Also also also? The British government has decided to deepen their own recession, in a noble bid to blow up the world’s economy.

Either that, or the English people elected a bunch of morons.

We’ve seen this type of recession before. It’s why FDR (and other leaders) put protections in place based on the lessons of the Great Depression. Turns out that when you yank half those protections, we can end up in exactly the same type of recession they used to have. Duh.

Speaking of incompetence: our corporations are really kind of bad. I’ve got a constituent who thinks they do this stuff on purpose. I’m not sure he’s wrong.

Rob Zacny tells us a bit about the wrong lessons of history. Seems the French were deeply mislead by their experiences in a couple of their wars, and. Well, click the link.

It may be the case that the terms of the Treaty of Versailles were fulfilled a few weeks ago, but America never signed that treaty. One result is that Americans can use the term “Champagne” anything we damned well please. The French are not happy about that

The lessons that Glen Beck has learned from history. I try not to laugh a the opposition too much. But this is really funny.

A religion based on puns. If they weren’t a raving bunch of racists, I’d be signing up.

Just for one day, the US military was allowing openly gay people to sign up. I fervently hope that America’s tomorrow includes many more days like that one.

Put This On dresses for the occasion. Let me tell you: that’s how I’m dressed in my heart…

There will be a quiz on this later. The biggest problem in the world? The Rent is Too Damn High. This is actually fairly true. If people were spending a lower proportion of their income on rent, they’d be spending more money on other things, which would give the economy a huge shot in the arm. But do click that link. It’s awesome. The “Rent is Too Damn High” party is basically an old testament Prophet.

There is no part of this article on goats that makes me feel better about my chances.

On spoiler warnings

If you really, really don’t want the book, you can tell them to stop sending it to you. Honestly? Who needs this thing anymore?

The White House finally treats geeks as well as athletes

There are places on the moon with more water than the Sarah desert! This is extremely exciting news for the future of humanity. First the Moon, then Mars, and Europa, then… Out of the Sol system?

Building your own Cray Yeah, the Droid I have in my pocket is more powerful. Actually… if that’s true, then I should be able to use my phone to resequence dinosaur DNA and create my own Jurassic park! That would be the best thing ever!! Sorry. Got excited.

Speaking of older technology remember Window’s 1? Time for a trip down memory lane…

San Francisco’s Exploratorium is moving. This really should be a good move. I can’t wait to have it somewhere that’s roughly 10,000 times more accessible than it is now.

Would you know what to do if you were being chased by NAZI zombies? Just based on the name, this really does sound like best movie ever.

Eat the Rich

Leigh Alexander is a terrific games writer– I’ve linked to her stuff in the past. Turns out she’s also a baseball fan. Baseball is a game that inspires poetry, and she doesn’t disappoint. Of course, she’s not really writing about baseball…

How do games affect our brains? How does the language of gaming affect our play style? Troy Goodfellow looks into it.

The next 3 pieces are really good.

My friend Andrew tells us about experiencing bigotry while engaging with his religion. I refuse to play the “biggest victim” game, but we pagans do come in for some casual discrimination.

This is something that John Scalzi doesn’t have to think about. But today… he’s going to anyway. It’s a fantastic piece.

Ta-Nehisi Coates is perhaps the most beautiful writer in the English language. He also loves his fellow humans. Or, at least, the human experience, warts and all. This powerful piece talks about how survival strategies can be counter productive when applied outside their memetically appropriate context. But Mr. Coates isn’t as pretentious as me.

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President Obama knows what it is to be bullied. He’s not happy with it.

You can say that the president hasn’t moved fast enough on LGBTQQ rights. You can say that he should have worked harder, or done more. I’ll even agree with you. I think this shows that it’s a matter of priorities rather than depth of feeling.

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The sexual tension was thick. I’ve got a learning disorder which makes it hard for me to understand non verbal cues, and even I could see it. It makes the whole thing kind of hard to watch. But then, Isaiah Mustafa has made a post-football career out of over the top machismo.

Interestingly, he’s not on this show in his role as “Old Spice Guy”, but rather as a spokesmanly-man for (near as I can tell) Microsoft. This means that he’s not in his highly scripted parody of dadaist masculinity. Rather, this is Isaiah himself. Selling a product. And that’s where he sets his foot in it.

Old Spice Guy probably shouldn’t have said, “And now something for you guys” and then talked about XBL. Girl gamers don’t exist, right? – @ashelia

Yeah, he did that. We can argue statistics all day. He was shilling for Xbox when he said that, and more men that women use that platform. Or, we could just say that there are more female gamers than male gamers, and so he’s statistically wrong. That’s not what he said, though. At best he strongly implied that there simply aren’t women who game. At worst, he looked them in the eye an shoved them aside. So: Isaiah, meet Ashelia. She’s kind of hardcore. In fact, if you want to sell a phone that lets gamers earn Xbox achievements… don’t talk to me. Talk to her– she’s your audience.

Except he can’t talk to her. He can’t sell to her. He can’t sell to her friends or women like her. He just said that she doesn’t exist. He just told women like her that they don’t exist. He did that, while taking a break from flirting with the only woman on the show. And the only interactions he has with that woman are flirtatious ones. Take home lesson: women don’t (or shouldn’t) game. Women exist to be flirted with.

Remember when we talked about StarCraft racism? This is an example of that. I won’t make the claim that Isaiah Mustafa is sexist. I won’t even say that Microsoft is institutionally sexist. I will say, though, that he did something incredibly sexist, and he did it in the name of a very large corporation. Microsoft should probably fix that.

I’m gonna say one more thing before I get the hell out of here. Ashelia doesn’t need me to defend her. She did that herself, and quite well. She’s got a much larger audience on twitter than I do on this blog. And yet her twitter account and my blog have wildly different audiences. And so it’s worth me saying a few words alongside her, sort of off to her left. Agree? Disagree? Comment section is open…

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If you’re an American Citizen (like I am), then you know that our government makes some bad, but not-entirely arbitrary decisions about who is allowed to work in this country. It also makes some entirely arbitrary decisions about who is allowed the full participation in the human condition. Until yesterday, for instance, gay people could not openly serve in the military. Today they can. What the Federal government does not allow, however, is a recognition of marriage between two adults who are of the same gender. If your spouse happens to have been born in another country, the United States Government is going to give you a whole lot of arbitrary problems.

I spent yesterday looking for an LGBT friendly immigration lawyer. This was rather emphatically not my job. Finding a private lawyer for someone (so they can sue the government!) is not (as far as I know) the job of any State or Federal employee. But I am a human being, and I was dealing with another human being, and he was in pain. What the hell else would be the moral course of action?

Making arbitrary distinctions among citizens is assuredly and literally the opposite of the proper function of government. Government’s proper function is to find equitable distributions of scarce resources. Love is not a scarce resource! Being straight, gay, or bi, or trans, or queer, or questioning, or terrific… these are not scarce resources. Indeed, to think of these qualities as “resources” is to radically misunderstand the term.

Where is the upside to all this regulation and red tape? We’re making productive citizens less productive. In some cases, we’re turning away would be citizens all together. This is governmental madness. We need to fix it.

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It’s not that Steve Jobs is wrong about the Android user experience (UX). It is fragmented. It would be great if Google would be able to cut through the phone company bullshit and deliver the UX they’re craving. Steve Jobs knows as well as anyone else why that’s not happening.

Steve jobs is wrong when he says “There are 2 versions of the software, the current and the most recent predecessor to test against”. It’s not, again, that he’s per se wrong. But the simple fact is that he released an operating system without sufficient testing. When you’ve got a bunch of developers (In the case of the Droid X: Google, Motaroloa, Verizon) all working to put their own stamp on UX, we can expect some weirdness. So the greatest tool Apple has is their end-to-end control of everything that goes into or onto an iPhone.

Then Apple releases an “update” (iOS4) that causes massive crashing and problems for everyone who installs it on a certain, apple approved, handset (iPhone 3G). Suddenly it’s not worth the price premium. If I’m going to have a sub optimal experience– it’s an insult for Steve Jobs to charge me more for it. For him to claim that his total control is a virtue, and then exercise that control in a manner almost calculated to cause me to hand Apple more money for a newer bit of hardware… that’s about what I’ve come to expect from Apple.

And that’s why I’m never going to buy an Apple.

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Nice…

Sundays are for lounging around with your friends, tearing yourself away from a cuddle pile so that dear and beloved readers can have some links to read. You better thank me. Alternately, Sundays are for heading to a Renaissance Faire and reenacting history the way it should be.

Me? I’m just going to be rooting for the Giants.

This week some miners in Chile were rescued after nearly a 100 days underground. Also: the governor of California used his line item veto to destroy funding for special ed children, children of low income parents who are in daycare, and other worthwhile programs. He did, however, leave intact tax cuts for really rich people.

It’s Sunday morning, so pull up a cup of Funranium’s finest

California Uber Alles.

Speaking of California: here’s how we San Franciscans see the world. Canadians: only east coasters call it “America’s Hat”.

Last week I checked out the Blue Angles. We like them. Let me tell you: there’s something about watching a plane soaring 50 feet above the Bay, going so fast that the water molecules around the craft are literally glowing that makes me proud to be human.

Things that make me proud to be American? paying more than anyone else in the world for cell phone usage. More competition and shorter contracts would solve this. Hello… Congress?

Troy Goodfellow answers the most important question ever

The reason things are looking up? Obama and the Democratic Party ended the obnoxious practice of corporate death panels. The election is 2 November. If you’re a US citizen over the age of 18, think about this as you head to the polls.

Rob Zacny reviews F1 racing. I knew nothing about the sport before I read the review. Now I know… something… about the sport. That’s worth a read.

Al Quida: Rockstar

Speaking of the War on Terror: Bad Art does a bad job at teaching us about war.

Animals where they don’t belong

Fred Clark is back with a brand new edition. It’s possible I just wanted to quote Vanilla Ice. Anyway: he’s bringing the high octane preaching. Today’s target: the fallacy that all non-christians are bad people.

I’m not yet sure how I’m going to vote on California’s Prop 19. Our current “medical” marijuana laws are kind of a joke, though.

Best hat ever? Discuss in the comments.

You need to actually read this. (Female Character Flow Chart).

Who cares about whether Han or Greedo Shot first? Question: Why wasn’t it Stormtroopers?

Stop blaming the pensions for our really shitty fiscal situation. The fault lies in a shitty economy. Fix that and the rest takes care of itself.

Gays aren’t hitting on straights. At least, not when they know people are straight. Also: “2% of gay people have had 23% of the total reported gay sex, which is pretty crazy.” I’d love to see a similar stat about straights…

Rule of thumb: if you don’t know when to wear contrasting cuffs and collars– but do it anyway: you’re a douche.

Is there meaning in strategy games? There can be, but…

Meaning in Monsters:

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Saying that South Korea is an “interesting” nation sort of implies that other nations are somehow not interesting. It does, however, have at least one quality that is unique among nations: their national sport is a video game.

That game is StarCraft, and its recent succesor, StarCraft 2. Let me be clear on what I mean. S. Koreans play StarCraft the way Americans play baseball, europeans play soccer, and Indians play Cricket. There are Korean versions of ESPN, and they do show proffesional StarCraft players strutting their virtual stuff, p0wning opponents and blitzing with Zerg units.

It’s a game that I’m also rather fond of.

Because of the unique relationship between this country and this game, it offers an interesting window into how racism is expressed. Not racism of South Koreans- a topic I know nothing about.  Rather, the racism of North Americans in general. When I say” racism”, I can be understood to mean bigoted or privilaged language generally. So: let’s see some examples!

“StarCraft is the national sport of South Korea.” Racist because: it’s not!  To the extent that a nebulous concept like” national sport” can be quantified, this one is and can be.

“Koreans are good at StarCraft for cultural reason X” Racist because: possibly not! Well. Saying Koreans are “good” is probably racist. But saying play it more than other nations (on a per capita basiss) is demonstrably true. And there are probably cultural reasons for it. A story that explains why this is true without falling into racist cliche would be fascinating to read.

“Person X is Korean, therefore they love StarCraft”. Racist because: it ascribes national characteristics to an individual, therefore denying that person of individual agency. 

“Person X is pretty good at StarCraft. They must be Korean!” Racist because: same problem as above.

“Have you seen how quickly (Korean)  person X can move a mouse while playing StarCraft?  This is because Koreans are evolved to click mice fast.” Racist because: humans were not genetically isolated from one another long enough to begin to speciate. Claiming otherwise is a tool racists use to create false differences between individuals. 

That’s it for me. Leave your favorite cliche in the comments. Ill tell you why its racist.

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